Time is passing so fast, yet not as fast as I thought. The cravings last as long as my thought about a cigarette now, and I do have a "mild" form of ADD, so that's not long at all. Everything is so surreal about quitting now. The idea that I just put it down and walked away from it. It wasn't really that simple, but that is the exact thought that flashes in my mind throughout the day.
I almost feel that there are two different types of people in me now. One of me would love to feel that drag on the cigarette, and especially knowing I haven't had one in so long... . The other walks past people who smoke and thinks, "OMG, did I smell like that too?" It is a rather offensive aroma, and to be in a tight area with someone who is smoking causes me to cough. My lungs have been so weakened by my abuses.
The constant eating and stuffing has slowed down to an average amount of food again, thank the gods. My weight seems to have restabilized and I'm rather surprised about my recent thoughts relating to my digestion peri- and post-smoking. I have noticed that when I was smoking I was barely eating, which kept my weight down all the time, but also were the exact symptoms that I explained to families when their loved ones were in the process of dying. Poorer appetite, decreased elimination, changes in skin color, cooler extremities, etc.... Not saying that it relates to all smokers, but that it relates to me. I felt like my body was dying, that I was getting sicker, that something was wrong but that cigarette righted everything for me everytime I lit up. It was time to stop this and I'm glad I did.
As for my other addictions, I'm just dealing with them day by day as well. I am lucky in that I haven't afforded myself the ability to act out on anything. I haven't purchased anymore alcohol yet, so I don't feel like such a damn drunk (although, I think I may go have a drink with some friends tonight). I've been working 16 hour days at my job this past week and have been cramming my homework around that schedule for 9 credits this semester, which I'm thinking of increasing to 13.5 next semester. I guess my lack of sleep and constant going could be considered an addiction, but it keeps me out of trouble so, so what?!
I use a lot less incense now, that tapered off on its own. I still use essential oils in my hair though, that is still a huge necessity. The constant aromas (for some strange reason) curb any desires for nicotine even when I'm in an environment like a bar. I don't know why this works in such a way for me, but it does. One day at a time, I do what keeps me happy and comfortable for that day - be it herbs, oils, incense or rituals.
The gods have been blessing and so I am... .
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