I'm at about four cigarettes daily, so far... .
I'm feeling a little better about other things in my life and beginning to regain the strength I need. It isn't a matter of knowing I can quit, because I can. It's a matter of that sticking, and right now that isn't my priority.
What is a priority is getting my mind together and obtaining the level of peace that I've had before. I feel things slowly returning, day by day. Yesterday, I obtained peace over one thing, today I attained it over something else. Life is good and so is God.
I do, however, try to limit myself. When I want a cigarette, I consciously think, "When was the last time I had one? Is it urgent that I have one right this second? Am I really in withdrawal or is my mind just craving?" Some of those questions really make me realize I don't need one this second or that I just had one. Even smoking at my worst/most, I rarely took cigarette breaks at work. I reoccupy my mind and am able to skip the ones I would've had. Even if that's just one or two, it's one or two less that my body has to deal with.
My new rules for myself is that I must eat first before having a cigarette. That has helped to maintain my weight. I have to drink water. On the weekends, my first cigarette is frequently noon or 1pm.
I'm blessed... thank God, I'm blessed.
Relapse
Chaos by Ken Fermoyle
As of 3 weeks ago, I've had a gentle relapse... and by 'gentle,' I mean gentler than the behaviors that came before it. My other addictions became so far out of control, I became a person (now in hindsight) that I don't even recognize. Thank God I didn't have any accidents or kill myself or anyone else trying to drive home the way I was. My sexual addiction got the best of me, which caused an explosion in my home. Though forgiven, I was handed a pack of cigarettes and directed that the smoking addiction was one he could deal with, but no others.It's been a rough ride. I have not decided that I will give up, but rather I'm experiencing a relapse and that is part of the addiction process. I won't be beating myself up about it. I'll be restarting to quit again, but some counseling and Wellbutrin is in my near future. The worse I make myself feel about this, the less likely I will ever quit again. This ain't the first time and won't be the last it seems.
At this point, I'm just trying and struggling to get some sense of normalcy back in my life. I hate that I'm an addict to anything, but I am. It also isn't just the smoking that I'm addicted to so it's definitely time for me to deal with it. I don't want to be stuck my entire life wondering why my life doesn't work. I want to make it work and feel good about myself, free of all addictions.
It's so funny to think back to a time before all this. How simple everything seemed, how much promise I had, how many opportunities. I breathed air as deeply as I've been inhaling booze. Back then, I drank in life. I woke up with the sun and lived graciously under it. Whatever happened to that?
7 Weeks, 1 Day
A part of me can't believe I've lasted this long, the other half sporadically craves to have just one drag. I'm not much for denying myself anything, but I think my life of excess can spare a little discipline in at least one area.
I'm so busy right now with school, I'm struggling to find the time to write but two more weeks and I get a break in between semesters. Whew!
I'm so busy right now with school, I'm struggling to find the time to write but two more weeks and I get a break in between semesters. Whew!
4 Weeks, 6 Days
Time is passing so fast, yet not as fast as I thought. The cravings last as long as my thought about a cigarette now, and I do have a "mild" form of ADD, so that's not long at all. Everything is so surreal about quitting now. The idea that I just put it down and walked away from it. It wasn't really that simple, but that is the exact thought that flashes in my mind throughout the day.
I almost feel that there are two different types of people in me now. One of me would love to feel that drag on the cigarette, and especially knowing I haven't had one in so long... . The other walks past people who smoke and thinks, "OMG, did I smell like that too?" It is a rather offensive aroma, and to be in a tight area with someone who is smoking causes me to cough. My lungs have been so weakened by my abuses.
The constant eating and stuffing has slowed down to an average amount of food again, thank the gods. My weight seems to have restabilized and I'm rather surprised about my recent thoughts relating to my digestion peri- and post-smoking. I have noticed that when I was smoking I was barely eating, which kept my weight down all the time, but also were the exact symptoms that I explained to families when their loved ones were in the process of dying. Poorer appetite, decreased elimination, changes in skin color, cooler extremities, etc.... Not saying that it relates to all smokers, but that it relates to me. I felt like my body was dying, that I was getting sicker, that something was wrong but that cigarette righted everything for me everytime I lit up. It was time to stop this and I'm glad I did.
As for my other addictions, I'm just dealing with them day by day as well. I am lucky in that I haven't afforded myself the ability to act out on anything. I haven't purchased anymore alcohol yet, so I don't feel like such a damn drunk (although, I think I may go have a drink with some friends tonight). I've been working 16 hour days at my job this past week and have been cramming my homework around that schedule for 9 credits this semester, which I'm thinking of increasing to 13.5 next semester. I guess my lack of sleep and constant going could be considered an addiction, but it keeps me out of trouble so, so what?!
I use a lot less incense now, that tapered off on its own. I still use essential oils in my hair though, that is still a huge necessity. The constant aromas (for some strange reason) curb any desires for nicotine even when I'm in an environment like a bar. I don't know why this works in such a way for me, but it does. One day at a time, I do what keeps me happy and comfortable for that day - be it herbs, oils, incense or rituals.
The gods have been blessing and so I am... .
2 Weeks, 4 Days
I've calmed down on the food, as the feeling of being overfull is nauseating and unpleasant to say the least. I still love my gummis and may be consuming too many of those, but it's the one thing that really appeals to the oral fixation aside from sucking on various objects not traditionally meant for sucking on. The electric smokeless cigarettes help marginally, as for now, the idea of the habit has passed and all I really want is a way to get the high I'm craving.
I've done more drinking in the past couple of weeks. I've always joked about how much I can drink, but I can drink and can do so every day, twice daily or continually in gradual amounts. This is one area that really scares me. The last thing I need is to leave a smoking addiction behind and pick up an alcohol addiction. So, for right now, I have not purchased anymore spirits of any kind. I don't drink until I'm drunk, but the point is not to drink just because I can't get to any tobacco or because I'm stressed.
Sex is another addiction I've fought for years, many in fact. It may seem like a cool addiction to have on the surface (as I've been told by a few men), but in reality it is extremely destructive. I am fortunate that I've adopted a group of people and a culture that facilitates and appreciates variety, mostly without sexual contact or exchange of body fluids. It feeds that desire without having to have someone penetrate me and I'm glad for it. However, lately, I have felt a strong urge to have that level of intensity with someone outside of my relationship. We are open to an extent, but this is just beyond that boundary and I'm standing at the edge of my cliff, looking over and leaning forward. The beginning of the cycle for me, the cycle that sucks me in until I'm possessed by it.
I still do have those pieces of nicotine gum and still have enough fear in me about them to not use them. I'm conflicted with the idea of returning a substance into my body that I've struggled to get out. It's that ex-boyfriend that was really good in bed, but after ending badly you still keep his number around (just in case). Yeah, just in case.
Articles of note: Army Medicine: Smoking Cessation & Weight Gain and HealthyMind.com
Milestone: 2 weeks to 3 months
Between 2 weeks and 3 months, your circulation improves, walking becomes easier and you don’t cough or wheeze as often. Phlegm production decreases. Within several months, you have significant improvement in lung function.
Source: Highlight Health at http://www.highlighthealth.com/diseases-and-conditions/smoking-cessation-timeline-what-happens-when-you-quit/
Day 14
It has been a tremendous battle for me lately. The cravings are severe and have lasted a lot longer than they had before. I have needed constant reminders as to 'why the hell I'm quitting in the first place.' For those days, I'm very happy to have started this blog as it has been a source of strength for me to come back to and re-read and re-focus. Headaches, light-headedness, dizziness, nausea, facial flushing... .
I'm beginning to believe the underlying reason I smoked was to settle some imbalance within my body. I go through these horrendous depression spells, deeper than any I've experienced in years. I can't shake them, I hate feeling so out of balance. My goal will be to go see my doctor by the end of this week for anti-depressants. I need to stabilize or I see this as being the reason I relapse and begin smoking again. The habit of the motions, I'm fine without those, but the depression ignites furious cravings that bring me to my knees.
I've been continuing with the incense and slowed some on the spiritual baths. Thank the gods, I've had plenty of rainwater to work with. I need to go get a larger tank. These things have been a source of great comfort for me and have helped me to make it through some of the most uncertain moments.
Gummi bears continue to be another source of comfort. If I combine gummis and incense, man! My brain is off on a journey. I guess it helps to be an addict, lol. We can make ourselves addicted to whatever we want to and get similar effects. Sex is even better.
An unexpected suggestion and support this weekend at work though. A worker told me that she had quit smoking almost 10 years ago. She handed me 2 pieces of nicotine gum and told me that the only way she could make it all those years was to have an emergency stock of nicotine gum handy. She said she didn't use it to quit but keeps it on those occasions when the craving overtakes you, kind of like that red box with the pull switch to alert for a fire. Never need it, but it's there in case you do. I'm not sure how I feel about it. I haven't had any nicotine in my system for 14 days now and am afraid to take any. I will, however, keep those nicotine gums at hand in case of an emergency. As a true addict, I know that if caught in a situation of holding that stick again I may never be able to put it back down.
I'm beginning to believe the underlying reason I smoked was to settle some imbalance within my body. I go through these horrendous depression spells, deeper than any I've experienced in years. I can't shake them, I hate feeling so out of balance. My goal will be to go see my doctor by the end of this week for anti-depressants. I need to stabilize or I see this as being the reason I relapse and begin smoking again. The habit of the motions, I'm fine without those, but the depression ignites furious cravings that bring me to my knees.
I've been continuing with the incense and slowed some on the spiritual baths. Thank the gods, I've had plenty of rainwater to work with. I need to go get a larger tank. These things have been a source of great comfort for me and have helped me to make it through some of the most uncertain moments.
Gummi bears continue to be another source of comfort. If I combine gummis and incense, man! My brain is off on a journey. I guess it helps to be an addict, lol. We can make ourselves addicted to whatever we want to and get similar effects. Sex is even better.
An unexpected suggestion and support this weekend at work though. A worker told me that she had quit smoking almost 10 years ago. She handed me 2 pieces of nicotine gum and told me that the only way she could make it all those years was to have an emergency stock of nicotine gum handy. She said she didn't use it to quit but keeps it on those occasions when the craving overtakes you, kind of like that red box with the pull switch to alert for a fire. Never need it, but it's there in case you do. I'm not sure how I feel about it. I haven't had any nicotine in my system for 14 days now and am afraid to take any. I will, however, keep those nicotine gums at hand in case of an emergency. As a true addict, I know that if caught in a situation of holding that stick again I may never be able to put it back down.
DAYS 4 AND 5
It has been such a difficult weekend. I know I always smoked more at work, this past relapse around, but I didn't realize how much I depended on it for stress relief. It was so hard to remember that I'm not smoking anymore, I had to keep telling my body, "You don't even have any cigarettes to smoke!" The thoughts were practically non-stop, cravings equally unrelenting. I was just glad when the pace picked up to where I could no longer think about it. I kept thinking to borrow one, it's okay, just one is all and I can restart again tomorrow.
I fought to remember that my body actually felt better than it has in a long time. I didn't realize how sick I had made myself by smoking because my body just became accustomed to functioning in substandard conditions. Now, I feel fresh, alive, awake, my bodily functions are going better than they have before. I'm eating a lot more, but it's almost a relief as I struggled to get through one donut at one time. It's nice to taste delicious food and enjoy it for a change, now all I have to do is work out before I really gain some weight.
My mind is, however, lacking. On this retarded website I found that gives 10 reasons to smoke cigarettes, number 7 states "Nicotine stimulates the brains, improves memory and the quality of data processing." Today has been awful for my mental processing and memory. My brain feels like it's swimming in a lake of tar. I'm thinking that this may just be a stage of the withdrawal. I'm going to supplement with Vitamin B 12 and Gingko biloba, add exercise this week and see how my mental clarity ends up.
Prayers to me to get a new position offered at my job. I'm excited and encouraged. I'm hoping they choose me out of the others that have applied, I'm praying my recent lifestyle choices have earned me some favor when it comes to this job. I'll be a better choice as a non-smoker.
I fought to remember that my body actually felt better than it has in a long time. I didn't realize how sick I had made myself by smoking because my body just became accustomed to functioning in substandard conditions. Now, I feel fresh, alive, awake, my bodily functions are going better than they have before. I'm eating a lot more, but it's almost a relief as I struggled to get through one donut at one time. It's nice to taste delicious food and enjoy it for a change, now all I have to do is work out before I really gain some weight.
My mind is, however, lacking. On this retarded website I found that gives 10 reasons to smoke cigarettes, number 7 states "Nicotine stimulates the brains, improves memory and the quality of data processing." Today has been awful for my mental processing and memory. My brain feels like it's swimming in a lake of tar. I'm thinking that this may just be a stage of the withdrawal. I'm going to supplement with Vitamin B 12 and Gingko biloba, add exercise this week and see how my mental clarity ends up.
Prayers to me to get a new position offered at my job. I'm excited and encouraged. I'm hoping they choose me out of the others that have applied, I'm praying my recent lifestyle choices have earned me some favor when it comes to this job. I'll be a better choice as a non-smoker.
Day 3
The cravings were a pain in the ass last night. I paced for a while, tossed and turned, even had some unusual dreams, woke frequently but I just kept reminding myself that the answer is "no." This is it and no is what it is. I didn't use any teas yesterday. I was able to downgrade the strength of my incense yesterday. Tonight starts the spiritual baths with some rain water and oils, which also help the cravings a lot.
After eating with a full belly, it takes much more effort to maintain. I've found gummi bears helps a bit to discourage the anxiety of the cravings. I've tried the electric smokeless cigarette. It satisfies the OCD portion, but of course, does nothing for the desire for nicotine. I opted to stay away from the quit-smoking products that contain nicotine. It's greatly expensive, as a matter of fact, cheaper to just smoke. I also decided that a quick detox works better for me. I'd rather suffer the motions, habits, and nicotine loss all at once. I focus on my cleansing, supplements and mental status and attempt to do so without unwarranted anger or agitation.
I'm feeling better... not out of the woods, just better.
After eating with a full belly, it takes much more effort to maintain. I've found gummi bears helps a bit to discourage the anxiety of the cravings. I've tried the electric smokeless cigarette. It satisfies the OCD portion, but of course, does nothing for the desire for nicotine. I opted to stay away from the quit-smoking products that contain nicotine. It's greatly expensive, as a matter of fact, cheaper to just smoke. I also decided that a quick detox works better for me. I'd rather suffer the motions, habits, and nicotine loss all at once. I focus on my cleansing, supplements and mental status and attempt to do so without unwarranted anger or agitation.
I'm feeling better... not out of the woods, just better.
Milestone: 48 Hours
At 48 hours my nerve endings began to regrow and my ability to smell and taste is enhanced. I personally don't feel particularly all of that but I do notice my head feels like it's been lifted out of a fog. I didn't realize how clouded I've been.
Image: http://vfxmatt.cgsociety.org/gallery/449597/
45 HOURS
Today is a much better day as far as nicotine withdrawal is concerned. No more light-headedness, dizziness, nausea or flushing. I just have to remind myself that I am no longer smoking as my usual schedule has dictated. The only problem I'm really dealing with today is my damn period. I refused the hysterectomy but I'm beginning to wonder if that's not such a bad idea.
I'm breathing through life right now. My concentration is slowly returning. I'm not as extremely sleepy as I was yesterday and able to stay awake and alert. Incidentally, I also have not had any red meat in my diet. I'm not sure if that will stick cause I like it rare, but whatever.
I'm breathing through life right now. My concentration is slowly returning. I'm not as extremely sleepy as I was yesterday and able to stay awake and alert. Incidentally, I also have not had any red meat in my diet. I'm not sure if that will stick cause I like it rare, but whatever.
Milestone: 24 Hours
My risk of having a heart attack has officially decreased (24 hour mark). Woohoo!
Image: http://www.heart-valve-surgery.com/Images/heart-stop.jpg
Day 1
I've officially made it to nearly 28 hours since my last cigarette. It hasn't been easy. My mind kept playing some tricks on me, telling me to just sneak one in or just borrow one from someone then try to quit again tomorrow. The best one was "why quit at all?"
The nausea has increased on top of the menstrual discomfort for which I'm taking a combination of herbs that help tremendously. The dizziness waxes and wanes now, but facial flushing has started and is in full effect. A lot of people love to say (and I hate this), "I know when a black woman blushes." They're all proud of themselves and cheesy, then they actually see me blush (not when they think I have) and jump back, yelling, "Oh my gosh! You're red!" No shit sherlock. So right now, I'm red almost constantly. Not sure what's driving that but am sure that it is a constant battle to ignore the little voices telling me to go smoke. I'm imaging how loud those voices must be for a man who has given up a far greater addiction than mine just because he decided to love me.
I am not too cranky and not mean at all. If my kids get too loud, it sounds like high heeled shoes striking the floor of an empty museum in my head, so I do insist on quiet.
Thank the gods for incense, herbs, wine and oils - the essentials of life. Now I need some rainwater and it's supposed to rain tomorrow.
The nausea has increased on top of the menstrual discomfort for which I'm taking a combination of herbs that help tremendously. The dizziness waxes and wanes now, but facial flushing has started and is in full effect. A lot of people love to say (and I hate this), "I know when a black woman blushes." They're all proud of themselves and cheesy, then they actually see me blush (not when they think I have) and jump back, yelling, "Oh my gosh! You're red!" No shit sherlock. So right now, I'm red almost constantly. Not sure what's driving that but am sure that it is a constant battle to ignore the little voices telling me to go smoke. I'm imaging how loud those voices must be for a man who has given up a far greater addiction than mine just because he decided to love me.
I am not too cranky and not mean at all. If my kids get too loud, it sounds like high heeled shoes striking the floor of an empty museum in my head, so I do insist on quiet.
Thank the gods for incense, herbs, wine and oils - the essentials of life. Now I need some rainwater and it's supposed to rain tomorrow.
22 HOURS
I feel like shit. Dizziness, light-headedness, mild nausea, increased appetite without satiation and my damn period started this morning.
The only thing helping is teas and incense. I'm alternating various mixtures of echinacea, goldenseal, cohosh, motherwort, peppermint, lady's mantle, nettle, etc.. And incense, lots of incense to soothe and calm. My nerves are bad.
The only thing helping is teas and incense. I'm alternating various mixtures of echinacea, goldenseal, cohosh, motherwort, peppermint, lady's mantle, nettle, etc.. And incense, lots of incense to soothe and calm. My nerves are bad.
Withdrawal Help
"And it's throwing up nicotine withdrawal booby traps. It has spies burrowing into your brain, saying, "You like smoking don't you, you need me."
Well of course you like smoking, that's why many smokers say, "I don't want to quit, I ENJOY smoking." And they do indeed, because they are addicted, and there is a great deal of pleasurable satisfaction in relieving an addiction by topping it up with a fix, and conversely to deny yourself that fix is painful.
On the other side, there's you, your mind telling you, No No NO — I want to be rid of all this, I don't want to be a smoker... but help!
So who's going to win? Who is going to be left? If you lose out to your chemical craving body, you will be taken prisoner again, and whoever heard of a free and happy prisoner?"
Great information continues at the website this quote was taken from The Ultimate Quit Smoking Guide: Nicotine Withdrawal at http://www.quitguide.com/nicotine-withdrawal.html.
I'm still reading through different parts of the website, but it helps to have a good understanding as to why it feels the way it does to quit and that it's NOT all in my mind. There are biological reasons for it.
17 Hours Post
The next milestone is at 24 hours - the risk of having a heart attack decreases. To help further that I'll be taking some CoQ-10 capsules to give my body some extra assistance, since it's had plenty of assistance to be damaged. (Not just from the smoking either.)
I will also be doing some herbal detoxicification and cleansing which has been sorely needed. This process will include spiritual baths and oil therapies. Vitamins and beginning to cut down on some of my other vices of soda made with cola nut, which was a taboo from the beginning.
One point I did want to bring up. I am quitting smoking for the reasons I listed on Day 0, not as a result of awesome smoking cessation advertising, not because of non-smokers who badger and turn their righteous noses up at smokers. Just to give an awesome example. I had a patient in a hospital a while back. I went to take a smoke break and was almost through when I was called hurriedly back to her room. I ran into her room to see what was wrong. When I knelt to assess her currently acute issue, she must've smelled the cigarette smoke and stated, "Oh, you smoke." I said yes, to which she replied, "I have never smoked, it's a bad habit." My response was, "I see how that's working for you."
Although I'm not usually an ass, here's the background to that person. This lady was in her early 40's, and weighed nearly 380 pounds. She was one step away from being put on a ventilator because the weight of her chest would cause her to go into respiratory arrest if she attempted to lay down to sleep, so she slept sitting upright in bed. She walked with great difficulty, to toilet was an ordeal for her. She would be gasping for breath to get from one side of her hospital room to another. I was called back off my smoke break and upstairs because her leg had started splitting open from the skin being stretched beyond its capability due to her weight, and she constantly complained that the hospital was "starving her to death." I was leaning in front of her trying to wrap her leg as fast as I can before it split open any further when she made that comment.
I didn't look down on her and made no judgements about her food addiction, yet she felt compelled to take a self-righteous and indignant stance, complete with facial expression and eye rolling concerning my smoking. If anyone thinks that is going to assist anyone who wants to quit smoking get motivated, hahaha, think again. What helps a smoker quit is gentle, loving support, being there when they go through the work of quitting and gently pointing out the positive steps that have been taken already to give encouragement. Not nagging, jeering, or yelling which I never even did to my boyfriend during his cocaine addiction.
I will also be doing some herbal detoxicification and cleansing which has been sorely needed. This process will include spiritual baths and oil therapies. Vitamins and beginning to cut down on some of my other vices of soda made with cola nut, which was a taboo from the beginning.
One point I did want to bring up. I am quitting smoking for the reasons I listed on Day 0, not as a result of awesome smoking cessation advertising, not because of non-smokers who badger and turn their righteous noses up at smokers. Just to give an awesome example. I had a patient in a hospital a while back. I went to take a smoke break and was almost through when I was called hurriedly back to her room. I ran into her room to see what was wrong. When I knelt to assess her currently acute issue, she must've smelled the cigarette smoke and stated, "Oh, you smoke." I said yes, to which she replied, "I have never smoked, it's a bad habit." My response was, "I see how that's working for you."
Although I'm not usually an ass, here's the background to that person. This lady was in her early 40's, and weighed nearly 380 pounds. She was one step away from being put on a ventilator because the weight of her chest would cause her to go into respiratory arrest if she attempted to lay down to sleep, so she slept sitting upright in bed. She walked with great difficulty, to toilet was an ordeal for her. She would be gasping for breath to get from one side of her hospital room to another. I was called back off my smoke break and upstairs because her leg had started splitting open from the skin being stretched beyond its capability due to her weight, and she constantly complained that the hospital was "starving her to death." I was leaning in front of her trying to wrap her leg as fast as I can before it split open any further when she made that comment.
I didn't look down on her and made no judgements about her food addiction, yet she felt compelled to take a self-righteous and indignant stance, complete with facial expression and eye rolling concerning my smoking. If anyone thinks that is going to assist anyone who wants to quit smoking get motivated, hahaha, think again. What helps a smoker quit is gentle, loving support, being there when they go through the work of quitting and gently pointing out the positive steps that have been taken already to give encouragement. Not nagging, jeering, or yelling which I never even did to my boyfriend during his cocaine addiction.
Breakfast
Breakfast- I'm able to finish one donut. Haven't done that since a little after I started smoking again. Learned from last time, hunger encourages cravings.
Milestones: 20 Minutes and 8 Hours
At 8 hours after my last cigarette - the carbon monoxide level in my blood will decrease to normal. With the decrease in carbon monoxide, my blood oxygen level increases to normal. It is the carbon monoxide in the cigarette smoke that I've inhaled into my lungs that binds to my red blood cells preventing them from picking up the oxygen that my body needs to nourish and give energy to all my other tissues and organs. I have just 3 more hours to make that mark.
5 Hours
My last cigarette was 5 hours ago and so far I'm still doing okay. I've gone longer than that while still smoking so shit probably won't hit the fan until 24 hours. I do feel anxious and a bit of light-headedness. I also notice that air smells crisp, fresh and clean so I'm using that for the focus of my concentration. The first craving just hit a few minutes ago and is starting to subside. I do have a smokeless electronic cigarette at the ready in the event that the OCD component to smoking becomes psychotic and unbearable.
I'm not making much sense, not because of the nicotine but because of my recent schedule change, lack of sleep and increased stress level. I'm sitting for my godchild, whom I love dearly, but at 3 months is horrible to keep as she is never satisfied unless I'm holding her and actively playing with her. Meanwhile, I'm trying to keep up with my studies with a little over a year left to school, all this information is critical. So I looked up some facts to uplift myself - some health benefits of quitting smoking.
I'm not making much sense, not because of the nicotine but because of my recent schedule change, lack of sleep and increased stress level. I'm sitting for my godchild, whom I love dearly, but at 3 months is horrible to keep as she is never satisfied unless I'm holding her and actively playing with her. Meanwhile, I'm trying to keep up with my studies with a little over a year left to school, all this information is critical. So I looked up some facts to uplift myself - some health benefits of quitting smoking.
Day 0
Hi, I'm Danielle and I'm a tobaccoholic...
(crowd whispers, "Hi Danielle.")
This ain't my first rodeo but I'm hoping that I can make this time last. I've quit for all my pregnancies and during breastfeeding. I've quit a couple times since then as well, only to return to the one lasting addiction I have... cigarettes. I restarted this last time because I felt overwhelmed with stress and the idea of tasting tobacco again seemed like a better and more better option to alleviate it. Now I'm back to square one, but this time not beating myself up about it with the confidence that I can quit again.
Okay, I'll start off with the many reasons I have for quitting smoking (again). To top my reasons is the health risk I place on my family while smoking since I can't seem to do this for myself. Even though I don't smoke around them, the oils from cigarettes stays on skin, hair, clothing, furniture, anything it can cling to. It still transfers to them when I don't want it to. I am adversely affecting their health and unnecessarily exposing them to more hazards when the general environment has enough already.
My boyfriend quit cocaine for me to maintain our relationship. It was no easy job but he did it because he knew he couldn't have both of us. It took fighting, rehab, a lot of tears and supreme effort on his part. It nearly destroyed our lives and affected both of us deeply. Cigarettes may not be as bad as cocaine, but he gave up his addiction for me. Perhaps it's my turn to put in my burnt offering (even though he hasn't asked that I do) so I can give what he gives to see our relationship through. I need to try again.
I started becoming a "real" smoker when I was with my ex-husband who smoked seemingly all day. Before then, I bought a pack of cigarettes maybe once every few months or more, smoked a few, then threw the pack away. I never was a real smoker before my toxic relationship with him that lasted nearly ten years. When we ended, I was extremely addicted to coffee and cigarettes and should have given up both then. I wanted to rid my life, as much as possible, of everything that came about during the time I was with him. This is the one thing that has lasted and it is a constant negative reminder of my time with him. I need to get over this so I can truly be free of him and all he represented in my life.
Before my ex, I was very much into natural and holistic things. Except for the occasional smoke, I bathed myself in frankincense and myrrh, wore ethnic clothing, practiced herbal medicines and natural healing. When my relationship began with him, I lost so much of myself that those things that I loved so dearly stopped as well. I miss the radiance in my skin, the thickness I had, the wonderful health and feeling good daily without mood swings. It's amazing to think that such a small stick I inhale several times a day can take all of that away. I now have hormonal imbalances that result in acne monthly, heart palpitations, bad sinus and congestion problems, chest tightness, unstable moods, decrease in weight when it's so hard to keep any on already, and snoring depending on how much I've smoked on a particular day. I've also stopped my yoga practice since resuming tobacco which has affected my body in many other ways. I need a return to that for inner peace as well as physical health.
My mother had a history of chronic bronchitis and asthma. She died in the time that it was considered to be a "terminal illness." She never smoked but worked in a law firm where everyone around her smoked in the office constantly despite her pleas for them to be considerate of her failing health. She initated a law suit against them that never came to completion due to her death. While I have always been a "considerate" smoker and would quickly move when non-smokers came to where I was smoking, it still stays in my head that the second hand smoke played a part in killing her. She would be worried for me now if she knew I smoked. Part of the reasons I started smoking, drinking and all the other addictions I had were due to her untimely death. I, being too young then to understand, blamed myself each time she became sick and was hospitalized. It just made it worse when she died and I bore the full weight of that for many years and acted out. Smoking was one of the outlets for my behaviors.
I have one cigarette left today before my journey begins again. I'm going to make the best of it and begin with a plan. In my experience from the other times, the first 48 hours are the hardest but can be worked through with patience and endurance. The cravings hit periodically throughout the day after that, but when waited out will last 10 to 15 minutes at a time. They shorten the longer my body is without nicotine. I am a smoker and will be a smoker the rest of my life, so I can never touch another cigarette again and I just have to deal with that fact. Due to the nature of addiction, there is no "I'll just have one" anymore. That logic got me to where I am today in the first place. I'll begin my journey with renewed confidence and pride that I'm doing something that not only positively affects myself but those around me. I hope and pray that my children are able to stay as far away from the habit as they can, that they are able to see how I struggle with it and are deterred.
(crowd whispers, "Hi Danielle.")
This ain't my first rodeo but I'm hoping that I can make this time last. I've quit for all my pregnancies and during breastfeeding. I've quit a couple times since then as well, only to return to the one lasting addiction I have... cigarettes. I restarted this last time because I felt overwhelmed with stress and the idea of tasting tobacco again seemed like a better and more better option to alleviate it. Now I'm back to square one, but this time not beating myself up about it with the confidence that I can quit again.
Okay, I'll start off with the many reasons I have for quitting smoking (again). To top my reasons is the health risk I place on my family while smoking since I can't seem to do this for myself. Even though I don't smoke around them, the oils from cigarettes stays on skin, hair, clothing, furniture, anything it can cling to. It still transfers to them when I don't want it to. I am adversely affecting their health and unnecessarily exposing them to more hazards when the general environment has enough already.
My boyfriend quit cocaine for me to maintain our relationship. It was no easy job but he did it because he knew he couldn't have both of us. It took fighting, rehab, a lot of tears and supreme effort on his part. It nearly destroyed our lives and affected both of us deeply. Cigarettes may not be as bad as cocaine, but he gave up his addiction for me. Perhaps it's my turn to put in my burnt offering (even though he hasn't asked that I do) so I can give what he gives to see our relationship through. I need to try again.
I started becoming a "real" smoker when I was with my ex-husband who smoked seemingly all day. Before then, I bought a pack of cigarettes maybe once every few months or more, smoked a few, then threw the pack away. I never was a real smoker before my toxic relationship with him that lasted nearly ten years. When we ended, I was extremely addicted to coffee and cigarettes and should have given up both then. I wanted to rid my life, as much as possible, of everything that came about during the time I was with him. This is the one thing that has lasted and it is a constant negative reminder of my time with him. I need to get over this so I can truly be free of him and all he represented in my life.
Before my ex, I was very much into natural and holistic things. Except for the occasional smoke, I bathed myself in frankincense and myrrh, wore ethnic clothing, practiced herbal medicines and natural healing. When my relationship began with him, I lost so much of myself that those things that I loved so dearly stopped as well. I miss the radiance in my skin, the thickness I had, the wonderful health and feeling good daily without mood swings. It's amazing to think that such a small stick I inhale several times a day can take all of that away. I now have hormonal imbalances that result in acne monthly, heart palpitations, bad sinus and congestion problems, chest tightness, unstable moods, decrease in weight when it's so hard to keep any on already, and snoring depending on how much I've smoked on a particular day. I've also stopped my yoga practice since resuming tobacco which has affected my body in many other ways. I need a return to that for inner peace as well as physical health.
My mother had a history of chronic bronchitis and asthma. She died in the time that it was considered to be a "terminal illness." She never smoked but worked in a law firm where everyone around her smoked in the office constantly despite her pleas for them to be considerate of her failing health. She initated a law suit against them that never came to completion due to her death. While I have always been a "considerate" smoker and would quickly move when non-smokers came to where I was smoking, it still stays in my head that the second hand smoke played a part in killing her. She would be worried for me now if she knew I smoked. Part of the reasons I started smoking, drinking and all the other addictions I had were due to her untimely death. I, being too young then to understand, blamed myself each time she became sick and was hospitalized. It just made it worse when she died and I bore the full weight of that for many years and acted out. Smoking was one of the outlets for my behaviors.
I have one cigarette left today before my journey begins again. I'm going to make the best of it and begin with a plan. In my experience from the other times, the first 48 hours are the hardest but can be worked through with patience and endurance. The cravings hit periodically throughout the day after that, but when waited out will last 10 to 15 minutes at a time. They shorten the longer my body is without nicotine. I am a smoker and will be a smoker the rest of my life, so I can never touch another cigarette again and I just have to deal with that fact. Due to the nature of addiction, there is no "I'll just have one" anymore. That logic got me to where I am today in the first place. I'll begin my journey with renewed confidence and pride that I'm doing something that not only positively affects myself but those around me. I hope and pray that my children are able to stay as far away from the habit as they can, that they are able to see how I struggle with it and are deterred.
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