The cravings were a pain in the ass last night. I paced for a while, tossed and turned, even had some unusual dreams, woke frequently but I just kept reminding myself that the answer is "no." This is it and no is what it is. I didn't use any teas yesterday. I was able to downgrade the strength of my incense yesterday. Tonight starts the spiritual baths with some rain water and oils, which also help the cravings a lot.
After eating with a full belly, it takes much more effort to maintain. I've found gummi bears helps a bit to discourage the anxiety of the cravings. I've tried the electric smokeless cigarette. It satisfies the OCD portion, but of course, does nothing for the desire for nicotine. I opted to stay away from the quit-smoking products that contain nicotine. It's greatly expensive, as a matter of fact, cheaper to just smoke. I also decided that a quick detox works better for me. I'd rather suffer the motions, habits, and nicotine loss all at once. I focus on my cleansing, supplements and mental status and attempt to do so without unwarranted anger or agitation.
I'm feeling better... not out of the woods, just better.
Milestone: 48 Hours
At 48 hours my nerve endings began to regrow and my ability to smell and taste is enhanced. I personally don't feel particularly all of that but I do notice my head feels like it's been lifted out of a fog. I didn't realize how clouded I've been.
Image: http://vfxmatt.cgsociety.org/gallery/449597/
45 HOURS
Today is a much better day as far as nicotine withdrawal is concerned. No more light-headedness, dizziness, nausea or flushing. I just have to remind myself that I am no longer smoking as my usual schedule has dictated. The only problem I'm really dealing with today is my damn period. I refused the hysterectomy but I'm beginning to wonder if that's not such a bad idea.
I'm breathing through life right now. My concentration is slowly returning. I'm not as extremely sleepy as I was yesterday and able to stay awake and alert. Incidentally, I also have not had any red meat in my diet. I'm not sure if that will stick cause I like it rare, but whatever.
I'm breathing through life right now. My concentration is slowly returning. I'm not as extremely sleepy as I was yesterday and able to stay awake and alert. Incidentally, I also have not had any red meat in my diet. I'm not sure if that will stick cause I like it rare, but whatever.
Milestone: 24 Hours
My risk of having a heart attack has officially decreased (24 hour mark). Woohoo!
Image: http://www.heart-valve-surgery.com/Images/heart-stop.jpg
Day 1
I've officially made it to nearly 28 hours since my last cigarette. It hasn't been easy. My mind kept playing some tricks on me, telling me to just sneak one in or just borrow one from someone then try to quit again tomorrow. The best one was "why quit at all?"
The nausea has increased on top of the menstrual discomfort for which I'm taking a combination of herbs that help tremendously. The dizziness waxes and wanes now, but facial flushing has started and is in full effect. A lot of people love to say (and I hate this), "I know when a black woman blushes." They're all proud of themselves and cheesy, then they actually see me blush (not when they think I have) and jump back, yelling, "Oh my gosh! You're red!" No shit sherlock. So right now, I'm red almost constantly. Not sure what's driving that but am sure that it is a constant battle to ignore the little voices telling me to go smoke. I'm imaging how loud those voices must be for a man who has given up a far greater addiction than mine just because he decided to love me.
I am not too cranky and not mean at all. If my kids get too loud, it sounds like high heeled shoes striking the floor of an empty museum in my head, so I do insist on quiet.
Thank the gods for incense, herbs, wine and oils - the essentials of life. Now I need some rainwater and it's supposed to rain tomorrow.
The nausea has increased on top of the menstrual discomfort for which I'm taking a combination of herbs that help tremendously. The dizziness waxes and wanes now, but facial flushing has started and is in full effect. A lot of people love to say (and I hate this), "I know when a black woman blushes." They're all proud of themselves and cheesy, then they actually see me blush (not when they think I have) and jump back, yelling, "Oh my gosh! You're red!" No shit sherlock. So right now, I'm red almost constantly. Not sure what's driving that but am sure that it is a constant battle to ignore the little voices telling me to go smoke. I'm imaging how loud those voices must be for a man who has given up a far greater addiction than mine just because he decided to love me.
I am not too cranky and not mean at all. If my kids get too loud, it sounds like high heeled shoes striking the floor of an empty museum in my head, so I do insist on quiet.
Thank the gods for incense, herbs, wine and oils - the essentials of life. Now I need some rainwater and it's supposed to rain tomorrow.
22 HOURS
I feel like shit. Dizziness, light-headedness, mild nausea, increased appetite without satiation and my damn period started this morning.
The only thing helping is teas and incense. I'm alternating various mixtures of echinacea, goldenseal, cohosh, motherwort, peppermint, lady's mantle, nettle, etc.. And incense, lots of incense to soothe and calm. My nerves are bad.
The only thing helping is teas and incense. I'm alternating various mixtures of echinacea, goldenseal, cohosh, motherwort, peppermint, lady's mantle, nettle, etc.. And incense, lots of incense to soothe and calm. My nerves are bad.
Withdrawal Help
"And it's throwing up nicotine withdrawal booby traps. It has spies burrowing into your brain, saying, "You like smoking don't you, you need me."
Well of course you like smoking, that's why many smokers say, "I don't want to quit, I ENJOY smoking." And they do indeed, because they are addicted, and there is a great deal of pleasurable satisfaction in relieving an addiction by topping it up with a fix, and conversely to deny yourself that fix is painful.
On the other side, there's you, your mind telling you, No No NO — I want to be rid of all this, I don't want to be a smoker... but help!
So who's going to win? Who is going to be left? If you lose out to your chemical craving body, you will be taken prisoner again, and whoever heard of a free and happy prisoner?"
Great information continues at the website this quote was taken from The Ultimate Quit Smoking Guide: Nicotine Withdrawal at http://www.quitguide.com/nicotine-withdrawal.html.
I'm still reading through different parts of the website, but it helps to have a good understanding as to why it feels the way it does to quit and that it's NOT all in my mind. There are biological reasons for it.
17 Hours Post
The next milestone is at 24 hours - the risk of having a heart attack decreases. To help further that I'll be taking some CoQ-10 capsules to give my body some extra assistance, since it's had plenty of assistance to be damaged. (Not just from the smoking either.)
I will also be doing some herbal detoxicification and cleansing which has been sorely needed. This process will include spiritual baths and oil therapies. Vitamins and beginning to cut down on some of my other vices of soda made with cola nut, which was a taboo from the beginning.
One point I did want to bring up. I am quitting smoking for the reasons I listed on Day 0, not as a result of awesome smoking cessation advertising, not because of non-smokers who badger and turn their righteous noses up at smokers. Just to give an awesome example. I had a patient in a hospital a while back. I went to take a smoke break and was almost through when I was called hurriedly back to her room. I ran into her room to see what was wrong. When I knelt to assess her currently acute issue, she must've smelled the cigarette smoke and stated, "Oh, you smoke." I said yes, to which she replied, "I have never smoked, it's a bad habit." My response was, "I see how that's working for you."
Although I'm not usually an ass, here's the background to that person. This lady was in her early 40's, and weighed nearly 380 pounds. She was one step away from being put on a ventilator because the weight of her chest would cause her to go into respiratory arrest if she attempted to lay down to sleep, so she slept sitting upright in bed. She walked with great difficulty, to toilet was an ordeal for her. She would be gasping for breath to get from one side of her hospital room to another. I was called back off my smoke break and upstairs because her leg had started splitting open from the skin being stretched beyond its capability due to her weight, and she constantly complained that the hospital was "starving her to death." I was leaning in front of her trying to wrap her leg as fast as I can before it split open any further when she made that comment.
I didn't look down on her and made no judgements about her food addiction, yet she felt compelled to take a self-righteous and indignant stance, complete with facial expression and eye rolling concerning my smoking. If anyone thinks that is going to assist anyone who wants to quit smoking get motivated, hahaha, think again. What helps a smoker quit is gentle, loving support, being there when they go through the work of quitting and gently pointing out the positive steps that have been taken already to give encouragement. Not nagging, jeering, or yelling which I never even did to my boyfriend during his cocaine addiction.
I will also be doing some herbal detoxicification and cleansing which has been sorely needed. This process will include spiritual baths and oil therapies. Vitamins and beginning to cut down on some of my other vices of soda made with cola nut, which was a taboo from the beginning.
One point I did want to bring up. I am quitting smoking for the reasons I listed on Day 0, not as a result of awesome smoking cessation advertising, not because of non-smokers who badger and turn their righteous noses up at smokers. Just to give an awesome example. I had a patient in a hospital a while back. I went to take a smoke break and was almost through when I was called hurriedly back to her room. I ran into her room to see what was wrong. When I knelt to assess her currently acute issue, she must've smelled the cigarette smoke and stated, "Oh, you smoke." I said yes, to which she replied, "I have never smoked, it's a bad habit." My response was, "I see how that's working for you."
Although I'm not usually an ass, here's the background to that person. This lady was in her early 40's, and weighed nearly 380 pounds. She was one step away from being put on a ventilator because the weight of her chest would cause her to go into respiratory arrest if she attempted to lay down to sleep, so she slept sitting upright in bed. She walked with great difficulty, to toilet was an ordeal for her. She would be gasping for breath to get from one side of her hospital room to another. I was called back off my smoke break and upstairs because her leg had started splitting open from the skin being stretched beyond its capability due to her weight, and she constantly complained that the hospital was "starving her to death." I was leaning in front of her trying to wrap her leg as fast as I can before it split open any further when she made that comment.
I didn't look down on her and made no judgements about her food addiction, yet she felt compelled to take a self-righteous and indignant stance, complete with facial expression and eye rolling concerning my smoking. If anyone thinks that is going to assist anyone who wants to quit smoking get motivated, hahaha, think again. What helps a smoker quit is gentle, loving support, being there when they go through the work of quitting and gently pointing out the positive steps that have been taken already to give encouragement. Not nagging, jeering, or yelling which I never even did to my boyfriend during his cocaine addiction.
Breakfast
Breakfast- I'm able to finish one donut. Haven't done that since a little after I started smoking again. Learned from last time, hunger encourages cravings.
Milestones: 20 Minutes and 8 Hours
At 8 hours after my last cigarette - the carbon monoxide level in my blood will decrease to normal. With the decrease in carbon monoxide, my blood oxygen level increases to normal. It is the carbon monoxide in the cigarette smoke that I've inhaled into my lungs that binds to my red blood cells preventing them from picking up the oxygen that my body needs to nourish and give energy to all my other tissues and organs. I have just 3 more hours to make that mark.
5 Hours
My last cigarette was 5 hours ago and so far I'm still doing okay. I've gone longer than that while still smoking so shit probably won't hit the fan until 24 hours. I do feel anxious and a bit of light-headedness. I also notice that air smells crisp, fresh and clean so I'm using that for the focus of my concentration. The first craving just hit a few minutes ago and is starting to subside. I do have a smokeless electronic cigarette at the ready in the event that the OCD component to smoking becomes psychotic and unbearable.
I'm not making much sense, not because of the nicotine but because of my recent schedule change, lack of sleep and increased stress level. I'm sitting for my godchild, whom I love dearly, but at 3 months is horrible to keep as she is never satisfied unless I'm holding her and actively playing with her. Meanwhile, I'm trying to keep up with my studies with a little over a year left to school, all this information is critical. So I looked up some facts to uplift myself - some health benefits of quitting smoking.
I'm not making much sense, not because of the nicotine but because of my recent schedule change, lack of sleep and increased stress level. I'm sitting for my godchild, whom I love dearly, but at 3 months is horrible to keep as she is never satisfied unless I'm holding her and actively playing with her. Meanwhile, I'm trying to keep up with my studies with a little over a year left to school, all this information is critical. So I looked up some facts to uplift myself - some health benefits of quitting smoking.
Day 0
Hi, I'm Danielle and I'm a tobaccoholic...
(crowd whispers, "Hi Danielle.")
This ain't my first rodeo but I'm hoping that I can make this time last. I've quit for all my pregnancies and during breastfeeding. I've quit a couple times since then as well, only to return to the one lasting addiction I have... cigarettes. I restarted this last time because I felt overwhelmed with stress and the idea of tasting tobacco again seemed like a better and more better option to alleviate it. Now I'm back to square one, but this time not beating myself up about it with the confidence that I can quit again.
Okay, I'll start off with the many reasons I have for quitting smoking (again). To top my reasons is the health risk I place on my family while smoking since I can't seem to do this for myself. Even though I don't smoke around them, the oils from cigarettes stays on skin, hair, clothing, furniture, anything it can cling to. It still transfers to them when I don't want it to. I am adversely affecting their health and unnecessarily exposing them to more hazards when the general environment has enough already.
My boyfriend quit cocaine for me to maintain our relationship. It was no easy job but he did it because he knew he couldn't have both of us. It took fighting, rehab, a lot of tears and supreme effort on his part. It nearly destroyed our lives and affected both of us deeply. Cigarettes may not be as bad as cocaine, but he gave up his addiction for me. Perhaps it's my turn to put in my burnt offering (even though he hasn't asked that I do) so I can give what he gives to see our relationship through. I need to try again.
I started becoming a "real" smoker when I was with my ex-husband who smoked seemingly all day. Before then, I bought a pack of cigarettes maybe once every few months or more, smoked a few, then threw the pack away. I never was a real smoker before my toxic relationship with him that lasted nearly ten years. When we ended, I was extremely addicted to coffee and cigarettes and should have given up both then. I wanted to rid my life, as much as possible, of everything that came about during the time I was with him. This is the one thing that has lasted and it is a constant negative reminder of my time with him. I need to get over this so I can truly be free of him and all he represented in my life.
Before my ex, I was very much into natural and holistic things. Except for the occasional smoke, I bathed myself in frankincense and myrrh, wore ethnic clothing, practiced herbal medicines and natural healing. When my relationship began with him, I lost so much of myself that those things that I loved so dearly stopped as well. I miss the radiance in my skin, the thickness I had, the wonderful health and feeling good daily without mood swings. It's amazing to think that such a small stick I inhale several times a day can take all of that away. I now have hormonal imbalances that result in acne monthly, heart palpitations, bad sinus and congestion problems, chest tightness, unstable moods, decrease in weight when it's so hard to keep any on already, and snoring depending on how much I've smoked on a particular day. I've also stopped my yoga practice since resuming tobacco which has affected my body in many other ways. I need a return to that for inner peace as well as physical health.
My mother had a history of chronic bronchitis and asthma. She died in the time that it was considered to be a "terminal illness." She never smoked but worked in a law firm where everyone around her smoked in the office constantly despite her pleas for them to be considerate of her failing health. She initated a law suit against them that never came to completion due to her death. While I have always been a "considerate" smoker and would quickly move when non-smokers came to where I was smoking, it still stays in my head that the second hand smoke played a part in killing her. She would be worried for me now if she knew I smoked. Part of the reasons I started smoking, drinking and all the other addictions I had were due to her untimely death. I, being too young then to understand, blamed myself each time she became sick and was hospitalized. It just made it worse when she died and I bore the full weight of that for many years and acted out. Smoking was one of the outlets for my behaviors.
I have one cigarette left today before my journey begins again. I'm going to make the best of it and begin with a plan. In my experience from the other times, the first 48 hours are the hardest but can be worked through with patience and endurance. The cravings hit periodically throughout the day after that, but when waited out will last 10 to 15 minutes at a time. They shorten the longer my body is without nicotine. I am a smoker and will be a smoker the rest of my life, so I can never touch another cigarette again and I just have to deal with that fact. Due to the nature of addiction, there is no "I'll just have one" anymore. That logic got me to where I am today in the first place. I'll begin my journey with renewed confidence and pride that I'm doing something that not only positively affects myself but those around me. I hope and pray that my children are able to stay as far away from the habit as they can, that they are able to see how I struggle with it and are deterred.
(crowd whispers, "Hi Danielle.")
This ain't my first rodeo but I'm hoping that I can make this time last. I've quit for all my pregnancies and during breastfeeding. I've quit a couple times since then as well, only to return to the one lasting addiction I have... cigarettes. I restarted this last time because I felt overwhelmed with stress and the idea of tasting tobacco again seemed like a better and more better option to alleviate it. Now I'm back to square one, but this time not beating myself up about it with the confidence that I can quit again.
Okay, I'll start off with the many reasons I have for quitting smoking (again). To top my reasons is the health risk I place on my family while smoking since I can't seem to do this for myself. Even though I don't smoke around them, the oils from cigarettes stays on skin, hair, clothing, furniture, anything it can cling to. It still transfers to them when I don't want it to. I am adversely affecting their health and unnecessarily exposing them to more hazards when the general environment has enough already.
My boyfriend quit cocaine for me to maintain our relationship. It was no easy job but he did it because he knew he couldn't have both of us. It took fighting, rehab, a lot of tears and supreme effort on his part. It nearly destroyed our lives and affected both of us deeply. Cigarettes may not be as bad as cocaine, but he gave up his addiction for me. Perhaps it's my turn to put in my burnt offering (even though he hasn't asked that I do) so I can give what he gives to see our relationship through. I need to try again.
I started becoming a "real" smoker when I was with my ex-husband who smoked seemingly all day. Before then, I bought a pack of cigarettes maybe once every few months or more, smoked a few, then threw the pack away. I never was a real smoker before my toxic relationship with him that lasted nearly ten years. When we ended, I was extremely addicted to coffee and cigarettes and should have given up both then. I wanted to rid my life, as much as possible, of everything that came about during the time I was with him. This is the one thing that has lasted and it is a constant negative reminder of my time with him. I need to get over this so I can truly be free of him and all he represented in my life.
Before my ex, I was very much into natural and holistic things. Except for the occasional smoke, I bathed myself in frankincense and myrrh, wore ethnic clothing, practiced herbal medicines and natural healing. When my relationship began with him, I lost so much of myself that those things that I loved so dearly stopped as well. I miss the radiance in my skin, the thickness I had, the wonderful health and feeling good daily without mood swings. It's amazing to think that such a small stick I inhale several times a day can take all of that away. I now have hormonal imbalances that result in acne monthly, heart palpitations, bad sinus and congestion problems, chest tightness, unstable moods, decrease in weight when it's so hard to keep any on already, and snoring depending on how much I've smoked on a particular day. I've also stopped my yoga practice since resuming tobacco which has affected my body in many other ways. I need a return to that for inner peace as well as physical health.
My mother had a history of chronic bronchitis and asthma. She died in the time that it was considered to be a "terminal illness." She never smoked but worked in a law firm where everyone around her smoked in the office constantly despite her pleas for them to be considerate of her failing health. She initated a law suit against them that never came to completion due to her death. While I have always been a "considerate" smoker and would quickly move when non-smokers came to where I was smoking, it still stays in my head that the second hand smoke played a part in killing her. She would be worried for me now if she knew I smoked. Part of the reasons I started smoking, drinking and all the other addictions I had were due to her untimely death. I, being too young then to understand, blamed myself each time she became sick and was hospitalized. It just made it worse when she died and I bore the full weight of that for many years and acted out. Smoking was one of the outlets for my behaviors.
I have one cigarette left today before my journey begins again. I'm going to make the best of it and begin with a plan. In my experience from the other times, the first 48 hours are the hardest but can be worked through with patience and endurance. The cravings hit periodically throughout the day after that, but when waited out will last 10 to 15 minutes at a time. They shorten the longer my body is without nicotine. I am a smoker and will be a smoker the rest of my life, so I can never touch another cigarette again and I just have to deal with that fact. Due to the nature of addiction, there is no "I'll just have one" anymore. That logic got me to where I am today in the first place. I'll begin my journey with renewed confidence and pride that I'm doing something that not only positively affects myself but those around me. I hope and pray that my children are able to stay as far away from the habit as they can, that they are able to see how I struggle with it and are deterred.
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