Today

I'm at about four cigarettes daily, so far... .
I'm feeling a little better about other things in my life and beginning to regain the strength I need. It isn't a matter of knowing I can quit, because I can. It's a matter of that sticking, and right now that isn't my priority.

What is a priority is getting my mind together and obtaining the level of peace that I've had before. I feel things slowly returning, day by day. Yesterday, I obtained peace over one thing, today I attained it over something else. Life is good and so is God.

I do, however, try to limit myself. When I want a cigarette, I consciously think, "When was the last time I had one? Is it urgent that I have one right this second? Am I really in withdrawal or is my mind just craving?" Some of those questions really make me realize I don't need one this second or that I just had one. Even smoking at my worst/most, I rarely took cigarette breaks at work. I reoccupy my mind and am able to skip the ones I would've had. Even if that's just one or two, it's one or two less that my body has to deal with.

My new rules for myself is that I must eat first before having a cigarette. That has helped to maintain my weight. I have to drink water. On the weekends, my first cigarette is frequently noon or 1pm.

I'm blessed... thank God, I'm blessed.