First Step

One of my favorite places to smoke was in my car. My plan was to stop smoking in the car on Monday, but I noticed something on Friday that just made me think. My boyfriend was with me in my car and I noticed he was coughing quite a bit. When we stopped at a gas station, I took the whole ashtray (can) and threw it in the garbage while he went inside to pay and decided my plan would have to start that night. Since I've thrown away the ashtray, I noticed almost immediately a decrease in his coughing. No more smoking in the car.

It will take some work and a lot of mental strength because smoking on my way to work has been a routine ever since my last relapse. It is humbling (and not in a good way) to know that my addiction is causing my boyfriend to cough.

Yesterday, I had to be around my boyfriend's brand new nephew. He is 1.5 months old and very cute. I purposefully left the cigarettes at home because I didn't want the tobacco oils to be on my skin in case I touched him. It was rough by the time we got home, but I made and and will do it again. Part of the withdrawal is mental and I just had to re-occupy my mind. I haven't quit smoking yet, so I had to remind myself that the cancer sticks haven't gone anywhere and I just needed to calm down! I was away long enough to experience some anger and agitation, palpitations and dizziness. Otherwise, I made it through and was able to hold the baby without feeling guilty that I'm transferring toxins to his delicate skin. That is a blessing and I thank God for giving me the strength and thought to do that.

I'm continuing my practice of monitoring my mouth and the things I say to people and the way I act as well. It is so easy to fall into a pattern that is not beneficial in my interactions with others. As a matter of fact, it's encouraged in today's times. When someone wrongs me, I have numerous people around me that will say, "Well, did you cuss him/her out?" It's almost like an expected next step. Don't get me wrong, I'm not going to be anyone's doormat to take any type of abuse people are attempting to throw at me, but I will be monitoring myself for my response and the appropriateness of it. Cursings are far more spiritual than people take them to be in today's times, and much more readily accepted. That fact may be the cause for why we have so much suffering in general within our society. So while I'm cleaning up my lungs, I'll need to clean up my mouth.