It has been such a difficult weekend. I know I always smoked more at work, this past relapse around, but I didn't realize how much I depended on it for stress relief. It was so hard to remember that I'm not smoking anymore, I had to keep telling my body, "You don't even have any cigarettes to smoke!" The thoughts were practically non-stop, cravings equally unrelenting. I was just glad when the pace picked up to where I could no longer think about it. I kept thinking to borrow one, it's okay, just one is all and I can restart again tomorrow.
I fought to remember that my body actually felt better than it has in a long time. I didn't realize how sick I had made myself by smoking because my body just became accustomed to functioning in substandard conditions. Now, I feel fresh, alive, awake, my bodily functions are going better than they have before. I'm eating a lot more, but it's almost a relief as I struggled to get through one donut at one time. It's nice to taste delicious food and enjoy it for a change, now all I have to do is work out before I really gain some weight.
My mind is, however, lacking. On this retarded website I found that gives 10 reasons to smoke cigarettes, number 7 states "Nicotine stimulates the brains, improves memory and the quality of data processing." Today has been awful for my mental processing and memory. My brain feels like it's swimming in a lake of tar. I'm thinking that this may just be a stage of the withdrawal. I'm going to supplement with Vitamin B 12 and Gingko biloba, add exercise this week and see how my mental clarity ends up.
Prayers to me to get a new position offered at my job. I'm excited and encouraged. I'm hoping they choose me out of the others that have applied, I'm praying my recent lifestyle choices have earned me some favor when it comes to this job. I'll be a better choice as a non-smoker.
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